One of the worst things a parent could hear about their children is that they are spoiled and ungrateful.
In a world where instant gratification is at our fingertips, it is more important than ever to instill values of hard work, gratitude, and resilience in our kids. Children are growing up in an environment of unprecedented convenience, which can create a sense of entitlement, where the expectation of instant gratification becomes the norm.
As parents, we face the challenge of countering these influences by teaching our children the value of earning rather than just receiving. I can attest to the fact that it’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
Here are five ways to help your children grow into responsible, patient, and appreciative adults:
1. Don’t Take the Pit Out of Their Stomach
When I was 22, I started my first job at a financial services company, working 100% on commission while my wife earned a modest salary as a first-year school teacher. Those early years weren’t easy—every day, I woke up with a pit in my stomach, wondering how we would make ends meet. That uncertainty was stressful, but it also motivated me to work harder, find creative solutions, and appreciate small victories.
I know that every family’s situation is different, and not everyone will face the same kinds of challenges. But there’s something valuable in letting our children, as they become adults, experience moments of uncertainty. It’s in these moments they develop resilience and resourcefulness. While we all want to protect our kids from hardship, allowing them to face challenges on their own terms can help them grow and discover their own strength.
Sometimes, the discomfort of not knowing exactly how things will work out is what drives them to find solutions, work harder and ultimately succeed. Letting them experience delayed gratification can be a gift in the long run.
2. No Safety Net
A client recently shared a story about their son starting his first job after college. Like many young adults, he was excited but also a bit overwhelmed when his first paycheck arrived. After rent and utilities, he realized just how tight his budget would be. He had to make some tough decisions, like whether to stay in his current apartment or move to a more affordable place, closer to work. He also wondered how he would handle unexpected expenses like a car repair or an emergency.
His parents could have stepped in to help, but they chose to let him navigate these challenges on his own. It wasn’t easy for them to watch, but they believed it would help him build resourcefulness, perseverance, and a sense of sacrifice. Sometimes, stepping back and letting our children face difficulties can be one of the most loving things we do. It teaches them that they are capable of finding solutions and thriving through hard work.
3. The Use of Pronouns Is Important
Growing up, my dad made it clear that I was entitled to “three squares and a cot,” meaning food and shelter (as well as loving support), but nothing more. When I referred to the family car as “my car,” he quickly corrected me. “Did you pay for it?” he asked. “Do you pay for the insurance or gas?” The answer was no, of course, and I learned an important lesson about ownership and responsibility.
Teaching children the difference between ownership and stewardship is essential. Just because they use something doesn’t mean they own it. But when they use something, they are responsible for stewarding the item for a period until the owner decides to do something different with the item.
Privileges come with responsibilities.
4. Make Them Run All the Bases
You may have heard the saying, “He woke up on third base and thought he hit a triple.” While the phrase might sound harsh, it highlights the value of experiencing every step of life’s journey.
I recently met a couple who are successful business owners. Although they had the means to fully fund their grandchild’s college education, they made the decision not to do so. They wanted their grandchildren — and their own children — to experience the rewards that come from hard work, trade-offs, and persistence.
This wasn’t an easy choice for them, but it came from a place of love. They believed that by allowing their grandchildren to work toward their goals, they would gain a sense of accomplishment that couldn’t be matched by a gift.
Encouraging our children to earn their successes—whether through earning money, making difficult choices, or learning from mistakes—can help them build the character and resilience needed to thrive.
5. Teach Them Gratitude for Everything
Gratitude is a powerful antidote to entitlement. From a young age, teach your children to appreciate everything they have. Encourage them to thank their teachers, coaches and anyone who contributes to their lives. Remind them that nothing is truly free — someone, somewhere paid a price.
Instilling gratitude helps children appreciate what they have and builds empathy and responsibility towards others. Modeling giving to the less fortunate is a wonderful way for children to learn the gift of service to others.
As the saying goes, “Freedom isn’t free,” and neither is anything else worth having.
Raising children who are grounded, grateful, and hardworking is not easy, especially in a world that rewards instant gratification. But it’s one of the most important jobs we have as parents to prepare our children for the real world.
Doing that job well ensures your children grow up to be adults who appreciate hard work and are grateful for their opportunities.
And don’t worry — they’ll thank you later.
As the President of Mosaic Wealth, Scott Highmark, CFP®, leads the strategic direction of the firm to ensure that the firm is adequately positioned to anticipate and serve the needs of our clients. A CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER®, Scott also works closely with our clients to define a long-term vision of success in their financial lives and beyond. He brings more than two decades of experience to the firm, with additional tenures as Executive Director at Morgan Stanley Wealth Management and Vice President–Wealth Management at A.G. Edwards & Sons, Inc. He is proud to have created a team of like-minded, like-hearted, talented people to help execute his dream of building Mosaic Wealth.
Scott decided to enter this field because he values the ability to positively impact a family’s life through the platform of wealth management. He loves connecting with clients, inspiring them to see a brighter future, and leading them down the path of true Significance.
